so whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God 1Corinthians 10:31

Monday, June 6, 2011

Exposed

I fell for it.  Actually, I set myself up for it. I knew the outcome because it's not a lapse of their character. It is their character.  So what was I trying to prove? Definition of stupidity is repeatedly doing the same thing but expecting a different outcome. Do I enjoy self inflicted pain??? Why do I want this person who wrongs me to at least demonstrate regret? Why do I care if I matter to this person when I know I don't? Because they expose my greatest fear - that I don't matter, that I am disregarded and insignificant.  

WOW! Just writing it out feels like a sucker punch that hits a tender spot. Yesterday I balled up all my fear and allowed it to gush out of me like a geyser until I was spent.

Here I am, Lord, completely exposed. What next?

No reason to be fearful if I embrace it.  In reality, it is true. People are nearly completely, if not completely, driven by their own selfishness. No one else really matters. Others are insignificant in light of self.  (I live from that vantage point quite often myself.)

BUT, to You, Lord, I am worth EVERYTHING! You think of me. You sing over me. And through Jesus, You sacrificed it all for me.  Because to You, I am a treasure. I am Your beautiful creation. You love me right where I am. Enable me to accept my insignificance to this world and embrace my significance to You!

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