Best start from the beginning....
When I was a child, somewhere in my late
elementary years, I distinctly remember thinking the family I was growing up
with (aka, family of origin) was not the way I wanted my family to be when I grew up. Something
wasn't quite right. I wanted there to be
love, acceptance, and security and somehow I knew that could only come from the
presence of God.
In my sophomore year of college I met a Christian school guy, AJ, full
of life and fun. He was “Mr. Everything”, leader in all he was involved in,
both in high school and college. So the college sweethearts got engaged,
married, and had kids, MBray and CF. We were rocking along, living the American
middle class dream and being Southern, throw in involvement in a church. And
those childhood thoughts of a loving, accepting, secure home… got that!
But my family of origin (which I refer to as Chaos with a capital “C”
in my blog posts) wreaked havoc in our lives- alcoholism, co-dependency, enmeshment,
and narcissism. I twisted and contorted to try to get along to no avail. The
coping I used as a child failed me as an adult and I made some hurtful
choices.
What man intended for evil, God intended for good! It led me to
deal with the impact of growing up in a dysfunctional family which eventually
led me to breaking all contact with my family of origin. Through that process,
the Lord grew me in intimacy with Him. He became the center of my world, my
Rock, my best friend!
Little did I know, the Lord was preparing me for the darkness of AJ to be revealed several years later. In spring of 2013 while my mother-in-law was in her final weeks of battling cancer, I discovered AJ had just begun another affair, six years after what I thought had been a successful reconciliation. A week after that discovery he slowly admitted to multiple one night stands in the time in between. He was not regretful and continued the new affair. A month after his mother died, I filed for divorce. It was granted days shy of our twenty-second anniversary.
I loved the person I thought I knew and shared a good life with. But that person never existed. Since the divorce he has admitted to infidelity all along our relationship. That's a quarter of a century. I am at peace with that. I am grateful the Lord exposed what was taking place in dark and hidden places. The love, acceptance, and security I longed for as a child remains intact in our little family of three.
Despite the chaos and heartache, the Lord has sustain me and my kiddos. There is still beauty in our lives and much beauty yet to be realized in our futures. We have not been undone. We've been set free!
I am excited about what the Lord has in store for us. He is faithful. I continue to believe, what man intended for evil, God intends for good!
Little did I know, the Lord was preparing me for the darkness of AJ to be revealed several years later. In spring of 2013 while my mother-in-law was in her final weeks of battling cancer, I discovered AJ had just begun another affair, six years after what I thought had been a successful reconciliation. A week after that discovery he slowly admitted to multiple one night stands in the time in between. He was not regretful and continued the new affair. A month after his mother died, I filed for divorce. It was granted days shy of our twenty-second anniversary.
I loved the person I thought I knew and shared a good life with. But that person never existed. Since the divorce he has admitted to infidelity all along our relationship. That's a quarter of a century. I am at peace with that. I am grateful the Lord exposed what was taking place in dark and hidden places. The love, acceptance, and security I longed for as a child remains intact in our little family of three.
Despite the chaos and heartache, the Lord has sustain me and my kiddos. There is still beauty in our lives and much beauty yet to be realized in our futures. We have not been undone. We've been set free!
I am excited about what the Lord has in store for us. He is faithful. I continue to believe, what man intended for evil, God intends for good!
