Catch Up

Hard to post when there has been so much going on but here is a brief synopsis...

Transitions - Healthy and Resistant

In August we packed our cars, M.Bray and I, and along with CF drove M.Bray to college and moved her into her dorm room as she began a new chapter in her life. The first few weeks were emotional and taxing as she adjusted to being on her own in a new environment, first time in a formal classroom, and making friends when knowing practically no one. But now? She's doing fantastic! Great grades, making solid friends, and selected for a prestigious campus leadership program. What has touched this mommy heart the most is seeing her blossom, as I knew she would, and witnessing her faith grow deeper. Love that girl and miss her fiercely!

As for the impact of another unwanted transition for our little threesome, CF and I are taking it differently. He has closed himself off to his sister. Another loss in a laundry list of what he has experienced the last 18 months. Trusting the Lord will work it out. 

Me? Couldn't be prouder. Our relationship has matured and we've become more appreciative of each other, which I didn't think was possible because we are both pretty appreciative. Besties. 

Chaos - Yep! I just can't seem to escape it. 

My family of origin has tried to interject themselves back into our lives which I have ignored. They know about the divorce and like a preying lion, think they can take advantage of me in a weak position. I may be weak, but I am not stupid! The way in which they've gone about it, the guilt they've tried to sling at me, the triangulation, shows me nothing has changed. They have even tried to usurp me and get to M.Bray. She's been a witness and is not falling for it. 

And then there is AJ, the ex. Blah! Blah! Blah! Crazy makes you think you are the one who is crazy. Not falling for that one either. 'Nuff said. 

Growth - One Step Forward, Two Steps Back, and a Leap Frog

Sweet, sweet friend took an opportunity to swoop in for several days to spend time together and let M.Ann be M.Ann. I so very much needed that. It broke the mind funk I experience when my brain is idle (ex and his half century of shenanigans) which has allowed me to move beyond the fallout. Not just that, it was a taste of God to me, to be valued, treasured, cherished, and loved. Oh! And I was challenged too! I've lived inside a safe box, expecting following man-made Christian rules to keep me safe. It didn't. Chunking that man-made box and questioning my paradigm. 

Another "friend" who has barely been a friend in my hour of greatest need, set to make amends. We met, we talked, I was brutally honest, but I also shared a few personal things I asked not be shared. It was. I'd say I was disappointed, but I expected it. 

Also been stuck envisioning what life could and should be for a forty-something unexpected divorcee. I thought I'd caught sight of it and then, sadly, it all fell apart. Well, sad at the time, but grateful because I think I have come to realize the correct conclusion. There is no vision. Embrace how God sees me through Jesus Christ and the rest will fall into place, day by day and moment by moment. I think that's the closest I am going to come to a vision. :)