Set Free

Note: This post is a continuation of The Gatekeeper

Fear and love are incompatible.  I cannot love what I fear.  In fear I seek self protection and self interest.  In fear I cannot act in a way which is best for you.  The Bible speaks to this in 1John 4:18, "There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love."  


Even before I had my melt down, I was aware of the power Chaos has over me.  After listening to the phone message, I whispered a quick prayer asking the Lord to break it's power.  Chaos has been a huge, ominous force that sweeps unexpectedly into my world, sucking out life and energy and wreaking havoc.  It maligns AJ and me, verbally and mentally beating us down while taking great pleasure in it.

The only feelings I have had for Chaos have been fear and dread.  But I want to love.  I knew there had to be a way.  God does not call me to do what He will not enable me to do.

As I was wording my reply to Chaos' message, a peace came over me.  Though I knew my response would not be well received, I was acting in their best interest.  I was no longer responding out of fear.  It really felt like love.  Finally, I was not acting as an abandoned, twelve year old girl but an emboldened and empowered woman.  My conscience is clear.

In His grace and mercy, God transformed my mind in an instant.  No longer is Chaos a huge, frightening force.  Chaos is a sad, pitiful, broken creature, flailing it's arms and legs and screeching to try to intimidate.  It's all show.  It has no power.  The only reason it ever did is because I gave it.  The spell is broken.  This demon is faced and conquered.  I literally feel free ~ the shackles are broken, the noose has been cut from my neck.  I am free to dance, to breathe and to be joyful!  And I do.