Chaos knocked at my door. Actually, it called my phone and left me a message. After burning bridges a few years ago, it knows it's not welcome. Now I'm the gatekeeper. Every so often it shows back up, expecting to be let in without a word said. It thinks I have amnesia.
New tactic. Pull in an innocent party. It caught me off guard. I was not mentally prepared this time.
As I began wrestling with how to respond, my first reaction was not one of grace and mercy. The situation owned me. All the pain, sorrow, grief and fear rose up in me and overtook me. The lost, abandoned little girl emerged and began lashing out at the nearest person.
Poor AJ. All my companions showed up. I spent myself emotionally and shot a few barbed arrows at AJ in the process. Unfortunately they hit their mark. We called a truce.
The next day with my emotions unraveled and set aside, I was no longer drowning out the voice of the Holy Spirit.
Jesus is often portrayed as passive. As I look at Scripture, I don't see Him in that way. In Matthew 10:16 Jesus says to His disciples, "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." He was able to expose hearts not by accusing but by asking pointed questions. By asking questions, He allowed those who He came in contact with to expose themselves. Then He gave them the freedom to do what they wanted with what was revealed. There was the rich, young ruler who walked away and the woman at the well who repented.
So as I prayed, I see a way to allow for reconciliation without opening the gate to Chaos. Chaos can be questioned, allowing room for the Holy Spirit to work. Chaos can then choose to continue in chaos or Chaos can choose to start taking steps toward healing. Their choice.
Side note: Being the gatekeeper is hard. People generally do not understand and I am immediately judged. But I was encouraged by M. Bray. Her observation is, since we've kept out Chaos, I have hope which she didn't see in me before.
I was encouraged by what you wrote about Jesus giving the individual the chance to repent and turn from his/her sinful ways or continue in sin. It's not our choice, but theirs. That's freeing.
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