Grieving with Hope

 

The divorce was granted on July 1, 2013. For three weeks prior, AJ was requesting I allow a stay, legally putting a hold on the divorce. I could not discern that a heart change had taken place and the pastor he met with about it could not either. What got us to this place and had dragged the kids' and my lives through chaos for the past four months, was still the center of his world. The divorce was the healthiest choice for me and the kids.

God's timing is everything. A few days later, He chose to reveal to me the whole truth after the divorce, so I wouldn't be tempted to confront AJ (which always turns into denial and lashing out).  

Genesis 6:5-6, “And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.”

Now that I know the whole truth of the past four months, my initial feelings of hurt and being used have diminished and have been overwhelmed with deep grief over the depth, breadth, and height of AJ's sin which consumes him. It's a feeling I've never experienced before or heard anyone express. It kept me up practically all night.

I don't know what to do with it, other than cry out to the Lord for his soul transformation. But I cannot allow it to consume me and my life either. I prayed the Lord would not allow it to overshadow me, but I will be able to live with it and still find, peace, rest, and joy in my days. He is faithful and immediately lifted my spirits. 

A new beginning while still longing for healing....