Normal

When I was young, living in the country, there was a train crossing three streets over from our home.  The whistle blew all hours of the day and night.  We lived near the train track for 12 years, but it didn't disturb me.  I was familiar with the noise.

Fast forward a few decades, traveling the rural areas of the South with the family.  It's late.  We are exhausted.  We stop at a decent looking motel and are given a room on the back of the property.  Effortlessly, I fall asleep, but not for long.  Nearby is a train track. Actually, it sounded like a train yard.  Repeatedly through the night I am awakened by not only the sound of the whistle, but the clacking of the rails.  What a miserable night!

Normal is whatever you are accustomed to.

Tension was normal in my formative years.  Growing accustomed to it allowed me to cope.  It's a child's way of dealing with adversity.  Lacking knowledge and maturity, it's a perfectly acceptable way to respond.

Once married and no longer in that atmosphere, I realized I was creating tension. Subconsciously, I was recreating what I was use to, simply because it felt normal to me.  That's not acceptable.  So in our early years of marriage in His timing, the Lord began transforming me.  He dealt with the obvious outward demonstration of anger.  As our years together continued, He also worked on my subtle forms of creating tension.  His Spirit within me made me no longer comfortable with tension.

What I didn't realize, until I got a taste of being Set Free, is I had continued to live in tension inwardly.  Here's a peek of what tension looks like on the inside~

Think too much. Can't shut down.
Analyze, evaluate, anticipate.
On high alert, in protective mode,
Living in the red zone.
Fight one battle, move to the next.
No escape from tension.
Peace and rest are vulnerable.
Peace and rest are driven away.

There are times for all of that, but not constantly!  But that is exactly how I lived on the inside, in constant turmoil and angst.  Like the train track  in my childhood, I was so accustomed to it, I didn't notice.  Now that it's been revealed, like the night next to a train yard, I am completely miserable with it.

Initially, I was overwhelmed and discouraged.  It's so deeply ingrained in me!  In a matter of days I fell into despair.  But Jesus is so much kinder to me than I am to myself and I allowed Him to encourage me ~

Sweet, M. Ann.  There is no need, Little One, for you to fight.  You are safe.  I am with you.  You can rest now.  Let My love heal you....

Now I'm at the point of acknowledging, God's healing is infinitely more powerful!  He did not bring me to this point to abandon me.  He did not reveal this to me to discourage me.  He brought me here to make resting normal.