Connecting the Dots

The Empowered to Connect Conference became personal for me. As the behaviors of hurt children were mentioned, I identified with some of them. I knew I was an odd kid - rocking, spinning, and unexplained stomach pains. The rocking and spinning were self comforting behaviors from emotional neglect. The stomach pains were my response to a high tension and anxious environment.

A friend asked when those behaviors stopped. At the moment, I didn't know. Now I see it was in recent years, when the Lord began His healing journey in me. You see, the behaviors of a hurt child can look different when the child becomes an adult. For me, I was demanding, manipulative, depressed, and at times neurotic. I hid it well, except when it came to AJ. Just like a hurt child, I seemed fine in public but could be impossible behind closed doors. Subconsciously, I was craving unconditional love.

Then through a series of selfish, bad decisions on my part (which made me completely unloveable), God used AJ to finally break through to me and give me a taste of unconditional love. It was then the path of healing began to unfold for me, as the Lord stripped away my coping, my idols, my false gods to get to my heart and reveal His unconditional love for ME!

From the conference we learned, for every year of a child's life, it requires a month of intensive therapy for significant healing. My healing journey began the year I turned forty, suggesting it would take over three years. As I am calculating it out now, I am amazed because it's exactly on target with my own personal experience.

The Lord continues to "tidy" me up. Just this week, I purged my prayer journal of my old healing prayers in faith that He has new paths for me. It was unexpectedly liberating. The next day He confirmed His story for me is bigger than my past!

Grateful for Him allowing me to see His work behind me by connecting the dots and excited about what He has before me!