Promises

 

As the kids and I walk down this difficult road, our relationship with the Lord has sustained us and even allowed us to flourish. Throughout the house I have taken dry erase markers and written encouraging Scriptures on the windows and mirrors to keep our minds and hearts focused on the bigger picture rather than the troubles before us in this world. The kids helped me pick them out.

The one pictured above is the one I see most often. It's written over what was AJ's side of the master bathroom sink. The Lord has become my husband. He is the one I count on forever. He is my provider, my confidant, my best friend.

Whatever your circumstances, be encouraged! You are never alone. God is holding your right hand and is continuously with you! (Ps 73:23) His promises are never broken. His Word are His love letters written to you.

Redeeming the Sadness

Twenty two years ago today, I was walking down the aisle to become Mrs. AJ. As of July 1st, I am now Ms. MAnn. The pain of thinking even then he thought he was making a mistake is hitting me. The Lord doesn't make mistakes. It's not about me. Even then he was far from the Lord, though he knew how to fake it.

Thank you, Lord, how you have used these past twenty-two years to teach me Your Word and grow to love it. You used it to draw me into a deep, loving, meaningful, and impact-full relationship with You! And as a bonus you brought two beautiful children into my life who are growing to love You as I do.

So what he sees as a mistake, I know You used it in my life for good, despite him. You are faithful and true. Your love endures forever! For You are with me. You will never leave me or forsake me.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Forgive Me

If there is anything I've learned as I've dealt with the past two months of the death of my marriage and the life I thought I had and the death of my mother-in-law, who has been my only mother to me as an adult, is to be a friend in time of crisis. Reach out by text, phone, or email often to offer support, encouragement, or be a listening ear. Not be a wagging to tongue, to be the first to get the latest scoop to spread, but to lighten the load of the person going through crisis.

I've not usually been that kind of friend. I've been the one to only offer once and back away. But when you are going through crisis, it's hard to reach out because it takes all the energy you have just to get through each day, sometimes each hour. Add children who are going along this beside you and the burden of it all is even greater.

I'm very grateful to have chosen carefully the people I've let into knowing the pain and heartache I'm enduring. Their support and prayers have held me up when I didn't have it in me to go on. But I am ashamed of the nonchalant friend I've been in the past. Forgive me. Hopefully from this point forward I will be a better friend.

Comfort

When my day has been trying or I seek relief from circumstances beyond my control, what or who do I turn to? I turn to empty and broken cisterns before I turn to You, Lord. As I reflect on those cisterns I realize if not immediately then eventually turning to those cisterns create or invite even more chaos. It's not genuine comfort. It may just be a distraction. It may be taxing relationships. It may even be slowly eroding my soul. Why do I do that when You are right here longing for me to turn to You?

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort. " 2Corinthians 1:3

Surrendering the Fight

Day three of fighting with my computer. It's running slow, locking up, and not loading some programs. Basically it's being a thorn in my side! Oh! It has the recommended antivirus and antispyware programs. I know. I check cnet periodically. I defragment, run cleaners, minimize my start-up programs, delete unused programs, and have even added memory. I jump through hoops to keep my computer running smoothly and avoid being in this position. Despite my efforts, periodically it gives me fits. And then I jump through hoops even more, becoming obsessed with it running smoothly again.

How I deal with my computer is a good illustration of how I've dealt with life. My life long goal ~ a comfortable life, free from frustration, chaos, and adversity. I juggle, dance, and perform, expecting all the world to fall into place so I can achieve my goal. As midlife has set in I've come to the realization, the world is not cooperating with me. My performing is changing no one and no thing. The chaos continues. Besides, with all this activity on my part, I'm just adding to the chaos.

We're all broken. It's a broken world with broken people and broken things, myself included, of course. Despite our efforts, people disappoint and fail and things deteriorate over time and break. To live in the illusion of perfection only leads to frustration and exhaustion and perhaps even anger and despair.

The Lord has worked in my heart and mind to accept and even begin to embrace our broken state. My vain attempts at achieving a comfortable life are futile. Now I'm surrendering the fight more often against the brokenness of the world. Without my flailing side show to exhaust me, seems I am better able to take it all in with a bit of wisdom. All of which has allowed for more peace and rest in my soul.

Oh! And my computer? I think I've determined the problem is not so much my computer as it is AOL.