Bittersweet

One of my preschoolers crawled into my lap during Bible time this morning.  Her hair was poofed which made it brush up under my nose and across my chin the whole time. The smell of her hair cream still lingers as the day is coming to a close. It has me thinking of all of them.

There's the hugs from an adorable blonde, who is shy and timid with her peers, but lights up when I show up or she sees me in the hallways. And the little guy, not in my class, who also crawled up into my lap one day. He looked up at the end of our Bible story time, gave me an unsolicited, "I love you." and then as an added bonus, "Thanks for letting me snuggle with you." Then another, who unexpectedly gave me the Christmas card he made during children's church.

I've had the privilege to enjoy many sweet moments over this past school year of Sundays. Wouldn't have expected it. I've worked with children at various times over the years. Haven't felt the heart tug I've had this time around. But this age, there is a sweetness, an innocence, a purity, unlike any other. Feeling a bit verklempt today as it has come to an end. All part of life, a good part of life, as we all grow and move on to bigger things.

Thanks so much, S, for asking me to teach with you! What a blessing your encouragement and friendship has been to me! Love you bunches!!!!! :)

Light at the End of My Tunnel

As soon as AJ's chronic infidelity was revealed, I started "nesting". It began with redoing the master bathroom. Out with the original 80's wall paper, up went a fresh coat of paint. My time on pinterest paid off as I framed out the mirrors and spruced up the space. I'm am very pleased with the results. Then when he moved out, I immediately took all of what he left behind, packed it up, and donated it to a charity. It felt good to purge.

It didn't take long before my kiddos began "nesting" too. They cleaned out their bedrooms, rearranged, and created their own oasis. Got painting, replacing light fixtures, and finding a comfy chair for CF still to accomplish. But they feel like they have created their own space.

Then that bled over into the rest of the house. After 20 years of holding on to stuff, we gathered up what had accumulating in our attic and basement and today had a profitable yard sale. (It really seemed like angels were sent to buy our stuff.) All that was left was picked up by a charity. It was exhausting but we all feel a sense of relief. No more clutter. No more lingering reminders. This is our house now. Our little family of three. Huge steps toward healing!

My order also arrived today, My Single Mom Life by Angela Thomas. Her book, Do You Think I'm Beautiful?, was used by God to minister to me greatly six years ago when his infidelity began. I am looking forward to how this book will minister to me as I adjust to my new life. I've found a support group to get involved with and will begin teaching 4yo Sunday School (love that age!) tomorrow.

My first week, when I hadn't gone more than a day, of no anxiety. What a blessing! Feels like I will live again. Feels like I am taking steps to move on with my life away from the chaos. Finally, Light at the end of my tunnel. Praise God!

Ps 18:19 "....He rescued me, because He delighted in me."

From the Mouth of Babes

My daughter, M. Bray, is an incredibly wise person especially for the ripe old age of seventeen. We were discussing how Christians talk about priorities in life. God first, others second, self last. But she has the wisdom to know there is only One listed in the priorities of life. God. Nothing else. Nothing else comes remotely close to His position. And if our priority is God alone, then all other things will fall into place. Love that girl!

Method Matters

Recently an email was sent to me encouraging me to watch and share an online movie, Divided.   The movie argues that "modern youth ministry is contrary to Scripture".  I watched the movie.  Though I agree the methods and focus of youth ministry is generally misguided and needs to be rethought in most cases, the presentation itself left me with a few concerns I'd like to respectfully address.

First, the delivery and promotion materials is alarmist and fear mongering.   The tactics used are no different than the global warming crowd.  The most extreme examples were chosen rather than giving a true picture of youth groups which is manipulative and dishonest. Using these tactics suggest the audience is not intelligent enough to come to the same conclusion without sensationalizing the information or the facts are not persuasive enough.  

Second, being in the church does not make one saved, just as being in a youth group does not or being in a Bible teaching home.  It is the work of the Holy Spirit alone in an individual, which occurs in God's timing and at His will.  It comes across in the movie the father is his children's savior taking the place of Jesus as their intercessor. That's idolatry, not to mention an incredible burden.  As Christian parents, we come alongside the Spirit by training and encouraging our children in the Lord, but we never take the place of the Spirit.  

Finally, the purpose of the movie was to prove youth ministry is "contrary to Scripture". From my understanding of the movie this is because:   a) age segregated meetings were not demonstrated in the Old or New Testament, they are therefore unBiblical and  b) youth ministries and Sunday school allows fathers to abdicate their role as the primary Biblical teacher of the family to the church. Respectfully I disagree with their extrapolations. 


On the first count, as an example of using their logic of age segregated meetings, look at ministries instead.  The only ministries I recall mentioned in Scripture is to orphans and widows (which were mentioned in the movie) and the poor and needy. Following their reasoning for being unBiblical, all other ministries are out. That would mean women's, campus, medical, business, and recovery to name a few. Is it not irrational to declare anything not mentioned in the Bible as unBiblical?  


On the second count, fathers abdicating teaching their children to youth groups does not make it contrary to Scripture. It makes the fathers lazy, luke warm or unbelieving. There is not a plot within the church to undermine the father through youth groups but rather to further emphasize what should be taking place in the home. Is that happening? Depends on the situation within the youth group, the family, and the young person themselves.  


Is there a plot within the church for all the youth to be a part of the youth group which in their mindset is necessary for their spiritual growth?  Yes, most churches have that mindset.  I, however, completely disagree.  It again depends on the youth group, the family, and the young person.  


It is no more right for the church to infer youth groups are a requirement for all youth as it is this movie to infer youth groups are evil.  It's not addressed directly in Scripture because it's not a sin issue.  It's a Spirit led issue.  The Holy Spirit gives guidance for your particular family and your particular situation.  


When you get down to it, it scares the rule followers to death because they want to be in the right position.  So they "major in the minors" (Romans 14:1-10), marking positions and tagging them as Biblical or unBiblical where the Scripture does not address to declare themselves on the right side and alienate those on what they have determined the wrong side. This is being typed by a recovering rule follower, by the way.  But when I follow what I've (or someone I have put in the position of God) determine as right, I don't have to seek Christ because all I have to do is follow the rules. Where's the relationship in that? Where is Jesus?


It is a professional quality movie. Questioning the methods and focus of mainstream youth ministry should certainly be raised. The way in which it was argued in this movie, however, was mostly mishandled and did not prove their premise. For me, it raised concerns for those who produced it.  
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Addendum:  Just after I clicked "post", this article from Focus on the Family's Plugged In came across my path ~ Friendly Fire.  It seems Christian metalcore bands, which were depicted as an example of youth groups in Divided, are leading this music genre. (If they are leading it and being faithful, imagine the impact God can use them to minister to these young, often hurting souls!)


Here is a quote in Guitar World interviewing Chris Rubey of the band, Devil Wears Prada:

It's funny: a lot of people ask me, 'Is it hard being a Christian on tour with secular bands?' And my answer is always, 'No, it's not hard.' To all the other bands on tour, we're just normal dudes who happen to pray when we go to bed. But nobody judges us or treats us weird; everybody's really respectful. The only awkwardness is from other Christians who may be like, 'How can you tour with these people?' The only judgment that I ever really seem  to get is from other Christians, which is completely ironic.

Yes, it is ironic.

The Beautiful People

My aspirations has been to be part of "the beautiful people." Smartly dressed, always smiling, seemingly without a care. Living in beautiful, professionally decorated homes with manicured lawns and driving luxury cars and SUV's. Their children dressed neatly, excelling in their extracurricular activities as well as in school, help reflect the beautiful parents having it all together.

Then on Sunday morning the whole family buckles themselves up into their luxury SUV to attend church and intermingle with other beautiful people who live similar lives. Sterile, neat, predictable. Wear the mask, play the charade, keep up the appearance.

I've played that game. It leaves me empty. It leaves me lonely. Besides, I never can quite pull it off.

Funny how the Lord can change your perspective. Still want to be one of "the beautiful people" but my definition has changed.

The truly beautiful people to me now are those who have been deeply touched by Christ. Whether it's circumstances of their own making or circumstances beyond their control, they've walked through or are walking through the refiner's fire. The difference is they are not engulfed by the flames. There is a sweet scent of Jesus that permeates from their pores. Oh they may still look the part of materially having it all together, but they are no longer owned by it. They are owned by their Saviour, giving them depth that is accepting and inviting of others.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Displaced Hope

For the past eighteen years I've been a member of a Biblically sound church. I'm grateful for the impact it has had on me in knowing the Bible. It's simple, sound, and direct. But I came to a point of spiritual stagnation. Like any water left to stand, I became polluted by my own impurities. Eventually our family made the difficult choice to visit another church. Many months later and we haven't left. We've determined so far the messages to be Biblically sound. The simple, sound and direct has become mysteriously beautiful, intricate and exciting. With joyful anticipation and excitement, I am beginning to see how God is impacting us with His message and the greater impact it may have.

The most pronounced messages we've heard repeatedly has been on authenticity and community. What a balm to my soul! Before visiting, that is the desire God place on my heart ~ to encourage and be encouraged as we live more openly with each other, getting involved in each other's lives with compassion and brotherly love. So after many months of attending worship, with great hope, we began visiting Sunday school. Finally to see what we've been hearing and what the Lord had placed as a desire in my heart...

What a disappointment! I am truly stunned. A month of visiting and not even recognized as a visitor. Not even a greeting from anyone. In the twenty-two years I've known AJ, this had never happened to him. He can start a conversation with anyone, but both our attempts were complete flops. And neither of us could get anyone to make eye contact to exchange a smile, a nod or a "hello". The ironic part is they still talked about community and investing in each others lives, but what was said was in great contrast to our experience and what we observed between them. So overall, they are no different than what I've been at times, repeating the mantra of the church as we think we should. But it's shallow because the message has not impacted the soul.

As I pour my heart to the Lord over my disappointment, I begin to cry and realize it's because I've lost hope ~the hope of an authentic community of believers involving themselves with each other in grace and mercy. Reflecting on that thought, His quiet voice reminds me, my hope has been displaced. Hope not in a message. Hope not in a church. Hope not in a people. Hope in the Lord.